1995 MH Video Hatsagah (which, we must say, was never produced)
Ian: In years past, we've seen many an MH oneg get cancelled due to lack of appropriate material. With that in mind, MH brings you tonite's Top 10 list...
Flash of numbers one through ten, Top 10 music, etc. Ian continues:
From the home office in Verbank, NY: Top 10 things we couldn't show in the MH oneg. Here we go... From this point, Ian narrates the numbers.
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10. Stripping Guess what. Ian volunteered.
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9. Quantum Crap. Clips of Jay over narration by anyone.
Narration: Theorizing that one could experience Zionism from within his own lifetime, Jay Lasus led an elite group of chaverim into the forest to work on a project known as Mahaneh Hashara. Whatever. When you write a hatsaga, you can spell stuff however you want, too. Pressured to prove his theories or lose funding from Hadassah, Jay stepped into the Quantum Leap accellerator (literally) and vanished. He awoke to find himself trapped in a moldy, green tent (his tent is tied shut, Jay can't get out), facing mirror images that were not his own (looks in mirror, screams) and driven by an unknown force to paint the Beit Ha'Am. His only guide on this journey is Ian, a guy that only Jay can see and understand. (Or can he?) And so, Jay finds himself leaping from tent to tent, striving to have a good time, and hoping that the next bus will be the bus home...
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8. Tour of the MH bathrooms. Camera goes through the guys' bathroom. Disgusting. Camers goes through the girls' bathroom. Six (or more) girls run out iwhen they see the camera. With or without towels.
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7. IUFADDA. Clips of ten or more people just saying "IUFADDA".
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6. Shira Sucks in the Chadar O'chel. Asepha at the fire pit. People stand up, complain about whatever, sit down.
A: I really think the fire pit needs to be bigger.
B: We need more washers and dryers to do our laundry.
-etc.-
C: Shira sucks in the Chadar O'chel. All the guys look at each other, get up, run to the Chadar O'chel.
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5. Reinactment of MH's past. People sitting in circle, hypnotizing. Three people walk across the back, topless, stars on breasts.
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4. Our ongoing quest to prove that Nicole Brown Simpson is alive and living in Hillhouse. Interview with MT's. Questions include:
Do you believe Nicole Brown Simpson is really alive?
Is Nicole Brown Simpson really alive and living in the extra room in Hillhouse?
Have you seen Nicole Brown Simpson at meals?
What flavor Snapple does Nicole buy from the canteen?
Do you think that Nicole Brown Simpson is alive and in Atid?
Do you think OJ is really innocent?
If you saw Nicole in Hillhouse, what's the first thing you would do?
Is Nicole Brown a Zionist?
Does Nicole Brown Simpson really hide out working in the kitchen all day?
-etc.-
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3. Tour of Mahaneh Tel Yehudah Bet. Theme from Mission: IMPOSSIBLE in background. Tour goes through Bet, including: bunks, field, infirmry, hotel rooms, Beit Ha'Am, Chadar O'chel, kitchen, MH . Cameraman grabs stuff from MH, kitchen, calls g/f from the pay phone, etc.
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2. Zeevik at a nite club. Dark room, loud music, girls dancing on tables, etc. Zeevik is sitting at a club table with a drink, waving a $50.
Zeevik: Come on, baby! I want to take the initiative with you! First, I have to go take a sh*t! I expect you to be on time! etc.
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And the number one thing we couldn't show in the MH oneg... (drumroll)
MH cooking, behind the scenes. Weiss waiting by Rt. 97, glancing at his watch, looking down at the road, smoking insence, tapping his foot, etc. Moments later, a pizza van pulls up and stops next to him. The delivery guy gets out, hands Weiss 10 or so pizzas.
Pizza guy: That'll be $72.95.
Weiss: (Hands him the money) Thanks. Keep the change. Walks back to MH Chadar O'chel, goes in through the back door, opens boxes, switches pizzas to sheet trays, serves, everyone grabs one.
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Ian: (At desk) Thank you and good-nite, everybody. Roll credits. World Wide Pants clip. End.