From the home office in Verbank, NY:

Top 10: Quotes from MH Aleph 1st Session 1995

16. Shira sucks in the Chadar O'chel. --Sharon Schoenfeld
15. Hey! It's Mr. Clean! --Ari Schulman
14. IUFADDA. --Ian's band director.
13. The MH Hatsaga? Don't make me rate it. It had potential. --Marc Nathan
12. Four words: Really Big Shadow Puppets. --Jonathan Weiss
11. Kangaroos are cool. I'd like to be a kangaroo. They're like big, fuzzy bunny rabbits with pouches. If I was a kangaroo, I'd hop around all day and put things in my pouch. --Ian "Ian" Isanberg
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10. What's the capital of New Jersey? --Ian "Ian" Isanberg
9. It's not cornbread! It's cake! Really! --Erica J. Freund
8. Dig on swine. --Jesse Lepow
7. There's how much sugar in this? --Rachel Katz & Lauren Davidson
6. Take the initiative. -- Zevick Shafrir
5. Can I borrow that towel? --Jonathan Weiss & Ian "Ian" Isanberg
4. Guys! This should only take 35 seconds! --Jacob Weinstein
3. Three words: Random Zionist Brainwashing. --"Techno" Jay Lasus
2. Don't leave! Marry me! --Ian "Ian" Isanberg
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1. Wait! We have a nickel! --Jonathan Weiss --Jonathan Weiss

Top 10: Reasons for people to be in MH - Aleph Second Session 1995

10: Really clean shower houses.
9: Between optional breakfast and painting the dumpster, you can pretty much sleep 'till noon.
8: You get to see Marc Nathan 24/7.
7: Bunks don't drop below 30š at nite.
6: Michelle is afraid to go past the Israeli Cafe.
5: Nook-free nites. (Actually, for Marc, that's every nite.)
4: If you don't clean the kitchen, you don't have to cook in there, either.
3: Three words: All-nite Asepha Parties.
2: You can burn anything you want in the fire as long as you pay $3.50.
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1: Beats being an MT.

 Top 10: Reasons to be in MT.

10. Mopping is the only exercise you get.
9. The idea of leaving camp at night before you're 18 scares you.
8. Can't get enough HP (Hawaiian Punch).
7. No ice machine in either MH.
6. Your sauna broke down and you have to stand next to the dishwasher to get a full body steam cleansing.
5. You needed enough money to take your girlfriend to Burger King after second session.
4. It was either that or do Etgar (again).
3. You think Stu Stein is the funniest guy you've ever met and you want to spend every possible moment watching his comic genius at work.
2. You needed a work reference on your college applications, and this was the best thing you could find.
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1. Who needs a summer vacation?

Top 10: Reasons to attend Young Judaea National Summer Convention 1995

10: You're running for National.
9: Someone found out you're Regional Mazkirut and now you're stuck.
8: You always wanted to meet Eshai Crane in person.
7: If you leave camp, you may have to eat real food.
6: The idea of going into the real world after only eight weeks scares you.
5: You heard Stu Stein was the evening entertainment and you've only heard his act six times.
4: Your parents moved while you were doing Machon in Israel and didn't leave a forwarding address.
3: You did MH second session and you just can't get enough Asepha.
2: Having 1/12th of a vote on every fourth issue gives you a feeling of power.
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1: It sure beats packing your trunk on the 16th.

Top 10: Reasons to be in New Jersey/Staten Island Young Judaea

10. Someone in Statin Island convinced you to show up so they could meet their minimum membership quota for the year.
9. Really crowded Edison club meetings excite you.
8. You wondered who the f*** Eshai Crane really was.
7. Nook-free conventions.
6. You just had to meet someone named "Skippy".
5. Two words: Cow shirts.
4. $1 Snapple is a really good deal.
3. You can't handle more than 1/12th of a vote on every fourth issue at National Summer Convention.
2. You really like saying "Ganai Yehudah."
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1. No crowded Mazkirut meetings.

Top 10: Ganai Yehudah (NJ/SI) Convention Pickup Lines.

10: Hey, it's the Big Dipper. Wanna go f***?
9: Wow, are you really Eshai Crane?
8: Ever tried tongue wrestling? YJ tradition. Really.
7: I need a volunteer to help me demonstrate how this condom works.
6: Ever seen the inside of a two-person sleeping bag?
5: Nice shoes. Wanna f***?
4: You're Jewish. I'm Jewish. Let's go make sure the religion lives on.
3: f*** me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Bob?
2: Is there a mirror in your pocket? 'Cause I can really see myself in your pants.
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1: Let's go for pizza and a f***. Actually, I really don't feel like pizza.

TOP TEN: Things Ian and I will do to the next person that posts anything that remotely resembles a chain letter to this listserve.

10: Email them once for every line we get stuck reading.
9: Sign them up to the Jews for Satan infoserver.
8: Slash their tires 5 minutes before EVERYTHING.
7: Yell.
6: Make them watch reruns of The Facts of Life.
5: Have them shot.
4: Have them shot repeatedly.
3: Put an ad with their name on it for explicit materials on AOL.
2: Order 100 pizzas to their house (our personal favo).
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1: Make them do Etgar.

TOP TEN: Reasons to do Machon in Israel '96.

10: Your parents didn't like that last time when you went to Israel by yourself.
9: Any excuse to update your passport photo is a good excuse.
8: It beats working all summer. Actually, anything beats working all summer.
7: Being in the Israeli army is cool. Period.
6: The idea of being at TY longer than a week scares you.
5: You're considering Etgar? Are you KIDDING?
4: It's the only way you can collect those cool phone tokens. Legally.
3: They don't have Machon in Paraguay.
2: They won't let you do Atid again (sorry, Ian).
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1: Three words: pre-paid national convention. (OK, it's four words.)

TOP TEN: Reasons to do National Summer Convention 1996

10: It's your turn to "motion to locomotion." <--Ian Isanberg, 1995 NSC
9: Someone found out you're on regional Maz and now you're stuck.
8: You always wanted to meet Eshai Crane in person.
7: Lets face it: real food only gets served in camp one way.
6: The idea of going into the real world after only eight weeks scares you.
5: You and a friend have a bet that there's no possible way that they can beat last year's Nite at the Improv with Stu Stein.
4: While filling out your Machon in Israel application, you Accidentally checked off the box to automatically pay for NSC and now you're stuck. (Just kidding; it's already checked off for you.)
3: You were promised a national newspaper and damned if you're not going to get one!
2: Having 1/12th of a vote on every fourth issue gives you a feeling of power.
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1: Four words: All-Nite Asepha Fever!!

TOP TEN: Reasons to join the YJ listserve.

10: It's the only mail you get.
9: Your long distance bill was $129 last month and this is a bit cheaper.
8: Carrier pigeons need to be fed.
7: Beats copying email by hand.
6: It's easier to write to a captive audience.
5: Ian said it was a good way to meet women (that's why *I* joined..).
4: You thought it was the "Young Jesus" listserve.
3: You're trying to see just how many Judaeans know how to turn on a computer (last count was fourteen).
2: It's the only way you can get EJF to read what you write to her.
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1: You just like hearing the AOL "You've got mail" thingy when you log on.